Why do I do that to myself?

25 Feb

I went to St. Cloud today just for kicks…well, mostly because I was bored and the weather was good so I thought I’d go for a drive. I ended up at the mall…because I didn’t know where else to go. I was only there for about an hour and I left feeling sick to my stomach.
Every time I go “shopping” I leave feeling depressed. Because I don’t really need anything and yet, every subtle advertisement beckons to me and tells me something different: “you need better clothes!” “you should be thinner…in better shape” “you need more makeup” “you should really listen to this kind of music,” “Oh, and by the way, you should have a plan for your life…you’re not getting’ any younger”. And all of those things lead to something deeper inside of me that I already struggle with…worth.

I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this and that’s why I’m being so open about it now, because I think people can relate to it (maybe not everyone, but some).
Don’t get me wrong, I know in my heart that my worth is in Christ, and that no worldly thing could change that. And I don’t want to become someone other than I already am, I guess I just want who I am to be ok with everyone else.

This is me! This is the broken body of flesh I walk around in. These are the small talents I have. These are the gifts I offer. This is my sense of humor. This is the way I show you I care about you. This is what I’m good at, and this is what I’m not good at.

All I want is for all that I am to be good enough.

1 Comment

Posted by on February 25, 2008 in Uncategorized


One response to “Why do I do that to myself?

  1. Tj & Mark

    February 26, 2008 at 3:05 am

    You never will be good enough….. You are a masterpiece!


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