I’ve been using one person to vent to in my conversations, and I have come to the realization that that probably isn’t the nicest thing I can do. So I’m going to vent here instead…plus, I figure the more people who read my venting the better chance I have at changing society for the better 😉
This blog is really intended to educate all the single men out there who have been labeled as a “player” (whether or not they agree with that label). And I suppose all of you boys who are trying to be men can read it too. Girls, you can just sit back and enjoy the fact that I’m sticking up for you by saying the things that you’re all thinking but are too nice to say. In advance I’d like to say, “You’re welcome”.
Let’s get started shall we:
I am just too warn out from guarding my heart, only to have to put the pieces back together when I fail at doing so. I’m also tired of seeing ladies I care for dearly, being hurt because some stupid guy is too oblivious (or self-centered) to notice what he’s doing to her.
Let me give you guys a few tips ok:
1: Don’t ever, Ever tell a girl how pretty you think another girl is. I don’t care what your relationship is with the girl you’re talking to, or how you are referring to the “pretty” one…this is never a good idea. The girl in conversation could be the most confident; most attractive; most solid girl in her faith, but a guy telling her how beautiful another girl is, is only going to throw her self-esteem into question. And she already has the whole world telling her that there’s a million other women prettier than she is…she doesn’t need you to join in on the chorus okay.
Number 2: If you’re just calling or texting, or facebooking, or myspacing…or whatever it is you do with girls these days, because you are bored…DON’T DO IT AT ALL! I mean, I can see friends catching up once in a while over facebook and maybe chatting online every now and then. But if you are just keeping contact with her because you need someone to talk to and share all your deep thoughts with…chances are, you’re not being fair to her. She probably thinks you’re confiding in her because you trust her with your emotions, and that trust can easily be misunderstood for you having intentions of a romantic relationship.
This is sounding a little harsh, I know…I’m not saying that guys can’t have a girl-friend that they confide in, (although personally I think that those kinds of friends should be of the same sex) I’m just saying…don’t use her because you have no one else to talk to.
Maybe this is a better way to say it: If you are conversing with someone as a substitute for who you really want to be talking with (or to keep your mind off of the girl you really want) just stop right there and spare your poor “friend” from heart-ache.
Ok-3: what is all this business about, “Oh, I can’t wait til I have a wife…I’m going to honor her, and cherish her, and treat her so wonderfully, and we’re going to be great together and blah, blah, blah….”. How bout you try honoring her now! Or at least prepare yourself to be an honorable husband.
Do you think that the things you do now are just going to turn off the minute you say, “I do”? If you have a tendency to check out every good-looking girl that walks down the street or into a room…ya think that habit’s gonna cease just because there’s a ring on your finger? Not gonna happen folks!
Do yourself a favor guys and think ahead a little bit farther than two seconds from now. If you really want to be a godly husband, deserving of a godly wife…train yourself up. Don’t just wait until the last minute and hope everything is going to turn out well. You want to give your wife an amazing gift? Show her that you care about her and that you cherish her by praying for (and practicing) the characteristics of a man of integrity before those characteristics are demanded of you. Marriage is supposed to be a picture to the world of how Christ loves His bride and gave/gives himself up for her; how is the world going to see that picture if we treat relationships just like the rest of the world does?
Finally #4: I don’t buy this whole bit of, “well, that’s just my personality. I don’t mean to lead girls on…they just misunderstand me”. I’m sorry…but if more than one girl has claimed that you have led her on, you need to reevaluate your actions and how they are affecting the people around you. And yes, girls can take things way out of context and assume things that are far from reality, (and some day I’ll write a blog on that topic) but knowing that…you could be a little more careful.
I don’t want it to seem like I think guys are solely responsible for what girls go through; please hear me say that. Girls do a lot that would confuse and complicate any situation. And I’m not even saying that you do what you do intentionally. I know that many of you love the Lord, and you honestly want to be a man of good character. My hope here is that guys would take a little bit more care of what they say and do to the girls in their life. I hope, more than anything, that you would hate the title of “player” and fight against it instead of embracing it. Just because someone has an expectation of you, doesn’t mean you have to live up to it.