I have been awake since 4:30am. And I’m kinda ticked off about that. Normally, I would attribute it to jet-lag, but I know the real reason is because people have been coming in my room all night long to take my blood pressure and O2 stats and such. VERY annoying! Now I can’t go back to sleep.
As I was laying here, I started thinking, “How did I get here?” Not “how did I get here” like “where do babies come from”? or “how did I get here” like “how did I end up in the hospital”? but more like, “How did I get this incredible LIFE!?”
Seriously, sometimes I just have to stop and be amazed, and let the fact sink in that This is my life. It is one that has been perfectly suited for me. I know I’m only 25, so if some think I haven’t “lived” yet, that’s ok….I’m just going to disagree with them. I may be young (or old…depending how you look at it) but I think the life I’ve had thus far has been well lived.
Sure I’ve made mistakes and bad choices and have had hard times…but how would I know how wonderful the good parts are if I never saw the bad parts? In all honesty, there is something beautiful in those hard times because those are the times where I see God the most. The times when I am most weak, most confused, and completely empty…those are the times when He comes and He picks me up, He reminds me that He is my strength and that everything I do is because He gives me breath to do it.
I have no money aside from the gifts people give; no purpose except to serve Christ; no direction except the leading He’s given; and no security but that which is in my Precious Jesus. I’m just a girl with nothing of my own; no worth, no talent, no beauty. All that I have is in Christ. He is my worth. He is my talent. He is my beauty; whatever those things look like at any given moment.
I have been loved. I’ve been deserted. I have made friendships. I’ve lost friendships. I have been well, and I’ve been near death. I have seen the Lord in SO many different ways. And I don’t know why. I don’t know why the Lord would choose to give me such an amazing life. I don’t know why He would choose to reveal himself to me from my youth. I don’t know why He would spare me from so many horrible things in life and bestow copious amounts of blessing instead. I know I’m not worthy of that, and so….it’s all the more lovely.
In short: I LOVE the Lord, and I love my life in Him.