Monthly Archives: March 2010

Dying to Live

I think I’ve always known I was making this choice, but I’ve never actually been specifically confronted with it.

I went to the clinic today at the University, and I knew it wasn’t going to be the best check up appointment I’ve ever had, because I haven’t been feeling that great…but it certainly turned out differently than I had anticipated. As we were looking at my lung function (which, by the way, isn’t the highest it’s ever been…by a long shot…but it isn’t dropping, it’s kinda just sitting there) the doctor stopped, put down whatever he was looking at and said very seriously, “Just so I have this right in my head, you do understand that the life you’re choosing is probably costing you your health?”

I was almost surprised at what came out of my mouth, it’s like I didn’t even think about it, it was just there and I said it without hesitation (though I did get a little teary-eyed I’m not gonna lie). “Yes, I understand that. I know what the consequences are. I just love my life. I LOVE what I’m doing and I don’t want anything else”.

The response to that I very much appreciated, he said, “Alright then, you know many people go through their entire life, never being passionate about anything…I guess it’s hard to put a price tag on something like that…”

Now, I don’t want anyone to freak out over this. I’m not dying or anything (I mean, I am but…we all are dying) I’m just not up to the bar where “normal” CF-patients are at my age. But what’s new right? When have I ever done anything that was normal? Haha.

Test me in this…and see if I will not…pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it” (Mal. 3:10)


Posted by on March 6, 2010 in "Debriefings", Updates on The Gretch


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