The thing about break is that I have plenty of time to reflect on the things I’ve been part of in the past four months, and to let all the Lord has done in that time actually sink in. However, on the other hand, I also have plenty of time to realize that this year will be over before I know it…and what am I going to do then? This has been my life for the past 6 years.
That’s the hard part really, thinking about what I’m going to do next, because if I had a choice, I would do this until I die. This life I live has become more than I’d ever dreamed of on my own. I am constantly reminded of how magnificent the Lord is, how faithful He is, how creative He is, how loving He is. What am I going to do when my job isn’t to talk about that every day? What will my life be like when I don’t get to meet people all over the country/world who inspire me to do something with this faith of mine? What happens when this platform that has been given to me is suddenly gone, and I have no clear authority to speak into people’s lives? And what about these friends? When we’re not actively serving together, and we’re not in a position to get closer and closer through circumstance, and there’s a hundred other people for them to get to know…will they still confide in me? Will they still share with me all that the Lord is doing in their life? Will I still be someone to encourage them and challenge them and exhort them, or is this going to be an out of sight –out-of-mind type of deal?
I guess it all goes back to what I realized last year: that if He is going to become greater and greater, (which is what I want) then I have to become less and less. Yeah, it’s been fantastic feeling like my whole life has been for the sole purpose of telling people about it. And I absolutely love to worship; the fact that I’ve been able to do that all over the world is just incredible. I think my greatest joy though, is loving people. I love being there for people (whether I know them well or not) to talk to and to listen to, in their joy and in their pain. But maybe in order for Him to increase, someone else needs to move into all of that…and I need to move out.
I need to be ok with that, I can’t be jealous. And I need to remember that, if I’m still living, that means He is not finished with me. So maybe I won’t have the most exciting life anymore, maybe I’ll be done doing what I feel like I was made for, but there will be something else. The Lord won’t leave me to just be idle.