You’d think I’d be good at this by now. One would think, that after nearly 10 years of meeting people, falling in love with people, and saying goodbye to people, I would be good at letting go. But the truth is I still stink at it.
I just spent three months with 30 amazing people, working alongside them, living with them, worshiping with them, praying with/for them, and watching the Lord change us all.
I hate crying. I always feel super silly, like a teenage girl who can’t control her obsession for Justin Bieber or something, so I typically don’t cry publically. Saying goodbye this time though…sucked. I think it was the culmination of the past several years; from my heart breaking over and over again. But perhaps it was also a realization that if I’m living a truly satisfying life, there’s going to be true heartbreak to go with it. There will always be this gaining and giving up, fullness and emptiness. We can’t feel extreme let down if there is never any extreme happiness or expectation.
So the tears became a symbol of both hurting and healing. They were a recognition that I had the privilege of being part of something amazing this summer; something bigger than myself, I am truly living a life I’m proud of; one that’s satisfying. They were also a sobering realization that I may not every have the same privilege again.
I don’t want to be one to take things for granted; to assume that moments like this will always be available to me, and I’ll continue meeting people who win over my affections. So I want to say out loud, right now, that I appreciate every single person I worked with this summer and I know what a rarity it is to enjoy living/serving in community the way we did. I learned a lot from you guys. I can only hope I was a blessing to you as you were to me.
I’ll thank my God every time I remember you (Phil. 1:3)