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Life Line Part 5: Nick

16 Nov

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I spent the next couple years pursuing a knowledge of God, with a passion I had never

known before. I was in college with a full load of courses, but most of my time was spent in

Bible studies, small group studies, church services and personal devotion time. I was hungry

for the word of God and I was falling head-over-heels in love with Him the more I read. I was

reveling in this new life that was completely focused on Him and being in His presence. And

that’s when I met Nick. By this time (in 2003) I was 20 years old and had never dated

anyone, never kissed a boy, never even held a guys hand. Needless to say, when Nick started

to pursue a romantic relationship with me I was very excited. He was perfect, he seemed to be

just as passionate about the Lord as I was, he made me feel beautiful, and he didn’t care that

I had Cystic Fibrosis. He wanted to take care of me. I thought for sure he was The One. Five

months into our relationship we started talking marriage, and I could not have been happier. I

just couldn’t believe someone would want to be with me for the rest of their life, knowing I was

sick, knowing how much work a life with me would be, and knowing that my life may be short

anyway.

Because everything seemed so perfect I could not have been more shocked when Nick

and I were sitting in the hospital during a routine stay, and I felt the Holy Spirit tell me I needed

to break up with him. I kept hearing, “do you trust me? Do you trust me?” And I kept saying, “of

course I trust you Lord. You know I do”. My heart completely broke when I heard, “Ok, then

trust me when I tell you to let go of this relationship”. So I did. I did not understand it, and every

fiber of my being wanted to ignore that nagging voice inside me, but I did it out of faith.

My only consolation was the story of Abraham and Isaac. I was convinced that God

would see my faithfulness and restore our relationship just as he did for Abraham. And that’s

what I waited for. For the next four years I did not even look at another guy. I just waited on the

Lord while everyone around me looked at me like I was ridiculous. Though I felt very alone in

those four years, they were some of the sweetest years with the Lord. It seemed as though every

verse of scripture I read and every sermon I heard was directly meant for me in this specific

situation. I would often wake up at three in the morning with a burden to pray for hours. The

Holy Spirit was so close, so comforting, and so alive in me. It was awesome. That’s how I knew

I was doing the right thing by waiting. I decided the only thing that would make me stop waiting

would be if Nick married someone else. Which wasn’t very likely because Nick had told me

he was going to wait for me also, and his entire family believed we would eventually get back

together.

Affects on Counseling

When I look back on this time of my life I can see it was a time of testing. I needed to

be tried and refined, and I needed to show that I was willing to lose everything for the sake

of Christ. No matter what anyone around me said, my allegiance was to Christ alone. That

allegiance will carry into my counseling as well. I want to do the best job I possibly can in

serving any client, and I want to build my knowledge in technique and theory as much as I

can. Ultimately though my desire is to be guided by the Holy Spirit. People might not always

understand it but that’s the way it goes sometimes. I would rather be a fool in the eyes of clients

or those around me than a fool standing before the Lord.

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Posted by on November 16, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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